I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
