What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
