you would pick up someone in the library
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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