Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
