Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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