The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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