it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
