So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
