Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
