We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are all done wearing pants today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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