Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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