I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
