He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
