shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
