you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize