everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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