Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
