wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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