The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
