i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
