remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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