Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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