so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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