Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
