What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
