hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
