TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
