Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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