Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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