I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it hurts more in the daytime
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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