Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
