Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
