Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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