dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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