aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
