As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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