The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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