I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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