Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's Friday. Sex?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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