I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
