The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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