Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
