dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
