She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
