Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
