I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
