I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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