I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
