I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
