So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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