what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
