How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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