Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
