Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
