Small penises have feelings too.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
