It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
