is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
