It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
