I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
