If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
