did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
