my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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