He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
