And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize