So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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