my phone needs a breathalizer
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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