we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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